No fun in the sun

This afternoon a woman who works here part time came out of her office with all three of her kids to leave for the day. I don't like kids and therefore am horrible when it comes to judging their age by sight, but the oldest looked probably about 8 and the youngest was in a stroller so whatever that age is. Anyway, before going out the door, the woman stops all three of the kids and makes them put on sun hats. The weather outside today is sunny (high 60s maybe low 70s) but really not enough that you would think it makes sense for mandatory hats (if they ever are mandatory). However, the really weird part was that the hat she made the oldest girl wear was literally a bonnet. I am absolutely positive of this because not only did I do a double-take upon first seeing this but I managed to get a 360 degree look at it and all qualities of a bonnet were present. The elastic part that sits at the nape of the neck, the ties under the chin and the clearly defined curved bill that shields her face. This woman made her child wear a bonnet before going outside. Unless this child is currently obsessed with the Oregon Trail (a phase that I unfortunately managed to go through, although I never would have worn a bonnet in public)she is going to get her ass handed to her in school, if it isn't being handed to her already. If this isnt an indoor kid in the making, I dont know what is.

Freaky Friday

Mary Cooke came in this afternoon. Mary is a crazy woman who has come in twice since Ive been here looking for a priest that works in the Cardinal's office. Im not sure if she knows this priest personally or if she mildly stalks him, although either one of these circumstances wouldn't surprise me. She wanted to either speak to this priest or leave a present she had for him that was wrapped in butterfly printed paper. Mary is a nice woman who has chatted with me both times she has visited the Chancery, but she has a tendency to not stop once shes started. Luckily I got several calls at one time so I couldnt really chat. Last time she was here the cardinal's secretary got caught talking to her for like 20 minutes and when I called her to let her know Mary was here she literally said this " Mary Cooke? Who is this woman? Alright, can you describe what she looks like?" This I couldnt do because Mary was standing right in front of me, but I will describe her now.

Mary looks like shes somewhere in the 60s age range. She has gray hair which she had done up in a "Jane Austen-ish" do aka hair curled around her face but up in a bun in the back and was wearing a visor. She had on a turtle neck and what looked like a smock with a vest over it and a homely looking cardigan over that. Nothing matched. I cant describe her pants or shoes because I only saw her from the waist up, but I think you can grasp her overall look.

Catching onto the fact that I couldnt describe Mary over the phone, Sister Anthony (the secretary) asks "Does she look stable?"

Read Mary's description again. Now think of what you would say if she was staring you in the face and someone asks if she looks "stable" to you. My exact answer was this "....ummmmm....."

Sister Anthony told me to tell Mary to leave her present for this priest and tell her that he would get it.

No JoJo

The guy that told me the other day that I look like JoJo just walked by and asked me when the next concert is. I took be awhile to catch on to what the hell he was talking about, give a lame sympathy laugh and decided that my mild dislike of him has now elevated to full dislike.

Is JoJo even still around?

4 Minutes?

A guy with very few teeth and a tiny dog came in just as I was getting back from lunch and wanted to see the cardinal. Thankfully the woman who covers the phone for me during lunch was still hanging around and basically told him that no one could help him. It was mildly shocking/pretty funny. She basically told him that the cardinal was busy and that no other priests were here (i dont know if that statement was true or false) and if he wanted to talk to a priest he should go to his local parish. i.e. get out. It looks like the Catholics are too busy helping people to help people.

Almost immediately after this guy left a very bland looking woman came in to meet with Father Millan. Her name? Madonna. This is weird/amusing for many obvious reasons, but I have to say it was even weirder/more amusing when I called and got to say "Father Millan? Madonna is here to see you."

Speaking of her holiness - no, not that Madonna - guess who is seeing the "Sticky&Sweet Tour" in Vegas? memememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememe.

Dopplegangger?

Some guy just told me I look like JoJo.

http://www.jojoonline.com/extras/jojo_desktop1_1024x768.jpg

The resemblance striking.

For the Fans

I have recently received complaints from my two readers that I havent posted in awhile and this pains them. And so my friends, this one is for you both.

I havent been updating recently because nothing interesting has really been going on, which is kind of nice for me but boring at the same time. However, something interesting did happen this morning when I was checking the messages. This woman called and gave her information and said that she was Catholic and lives in Oregon and thinks she is a victim of kidnapping and brainwash and wants someone to get in contact with her sister. There are several strange things about this situation, one being the obvious, but what was extremely bizarre was that this woman leaving the message was very calm and sounded almost bored. She was rambling on about trying to find her sister and being scared and whatnot but was completely bored throughout the whole message. I kind of wish she had called when I was there so I could get the deets and maybe get this woman to emote. Also, Im sorry, but what grown woman gets brainwashed and duped into moving to Oregon? And if this really is the case and now shes onto being brainwashed, why doesnt she just leave? She obviously made it to a phone and she decided to call the Archdiocese of Boston instead of someone more helpful like the police? Thats dumb. This is whats wrong with religious zealots because theyre so easy to manipulate into doing something so obviously stupid. Remember Elizabeth Smart? Her kidnappers kept her 8 miles from her house and she willingly stayed because they told her God wanted her to be with them. If God is telling you to do stupid things, like camping out with two crazies 8 miles away from your house, you probably shouldnt listen to him.

Boston College is having their commencement today. Not only am I bitter that they get their graduation on a beautiful day while my own took place inside the tennis bubble, but I can hear the ceremony from my window and its annoying. So congratulations, graduates! Look forward to low income, less downtime and shitty jobs!

Oh, and Ive become mildly obsessed with this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_spaghetti_monster

Yeah, me neither.

"Hello? This is Robert Landry at 205 Abbott Street. I just want to let you know that I am not Catholic, thank you." click.

Ringtonez

A man just came in for a meeting with someone and while he was down in the lobby waiting his cell phone went off. His ringtone was "Razzle Dazzle" from the musical Chicago.

Long Story Short

I dont think anyone complains more about the Catholics than the Catholics themselves (besides me of course). Maybe its because no cares enough about what the Catholics do, although I did get one Jewish woman on the phone the other day who complained about how difficult it is to give money to the Catholic church, which I A.dont believe is true and B.can't really understand why a Jewish woman would want to donate money to the Catholic church in the first place. But that is neither here nor there.

Today I got a woman on the phone who wanted to make a complaint about her child's first communion. Now, what Im suppose to do when crap like this happens i.e. when people are mad and want to yell at someone about some stupid thing that appalled them, is transfer them to the "comment line" which people despise because its a recording and no one wants that. EVER. So Ive taken it upon myself to lie a little and tell them that our Communications Dept. is closed today and that their only option is to leave a message on this line and someone will definitely get back to them tomorrow. If I dont lie they call me again and start yelling at me, so I lie. And Im more than happy to do it.

So this woman says fine, she'll leave a comment but first she wants to tell me her saga so I understand whats going on and justify her issue. She told me her whole story, which took literally 15 minutes, cried the whole time and said "long story short" 4 times. I only understood about 40% of her situations and just peppered her jabber with "right" and "uh-huh" every so often. She was upset because it rained on her child's communion and he didnt get to walk down the aisle or something, a fat woman blocked her view for the whole thing (no joke, she complained about a fat woman who wouldnt get out of the way) and the priest who didnt invite the kids back to their second communion or something. Because Im not Catholic, thank God (pun!), I dont really understand the regulations of whats suppose to happen and why its important. All I had to do for my communion was show up, read a paragraph of the Bible, take a shot of wine, eat the smallest slice of bread and in return I received a gaudy necklace with a dove on it and my very own Bible with my name stamped in it. Both of which I believe are lost. I wore all black, which I didnt really notice to be that morose until I sat next to Erica who was dressed something pink and sparkly. I also never returned to church again with the exception of Christmas and maybe an Easter or two.

So I have this woman who is crying about her son's slap in the face at his communion and how the priest who did the service didnt care and how her son asked her if God was mad at him, etc. So I listen to this woman until shes done and tell her that she has a right to be pissed, but I still have to direct her to the comment line because if I try to give her to anyone else, the bitch who works at the communications dept. will transfer her back to me and tell me they don't deal with things like this. Normally I don't really care about what the Catholics complain about because 99.9% of the time its about trivial crap, like a cell phone tower being put up next to their church which ruins its ambiance, but after having a woman cry to you for 15 minutes telling you that her child believes God is pissed at him can make you feel slightly compassionate. So I tell her to leave her comment (which, by the way, I had to consolidate for her into a three sentence message) and if no one gets back to her about it she can call back tomorrow and I will personally find someone for her to talk to. Just call me a Saint and give me my fucking halo.

Ashton Kutcher, is that you?

I just got punked by a priest.
This guy walks into the building, approaches me and completely straight face goes "Good afternoon, I just threw my wife out of the house and I need an annulment." And Im all like "uh...um...ok..." trying to keep my cool in the presence of a clearly unstable man that might lash out at any moment because he obviously has a temper issue and will scream at me until he loses his voice and I start to cry and Im reaching for the phone to call the Family Life office while simultaneously reaching to the lock of the door should he try to get inside unsupervised and then he says "just kidding, Im Father Williams."

FOR REAL?!
So then when I start to laugh nervously while my panic subsides he laughs along with me. So we both shared a good laugh at my expense. Who knew catholics weird/subtly inappropriate sense of humor. Not me.

Who?

This conversation just took place in my ear:

Me: "Archdiocese of Boston."
Old Woman: "Hello?....Hello?"
Me: "Yes?"
Old Woman: "Yes, we would like to talk to.... [to old husband in the background] who do we want to talk to?"
Old Husband in the background: "Damien."
Old woman: "Damien..[to old husband in the background] Damien who?"
Old Husband in the background: "Damien"
Old woman: "Damien...[to old husband in the background] Damien?"
Old Husband in the background: "Damien"
Old woman: "Damien. [to old husband in the background] is that his last name?"
Old Husband in the background: "Damien"
Old woman: "Damien...[to old husband in the background] Damien?"
Old Husband in the background: "Damien"
Old woman: "Damien"

Another call of the Day:

Me: "Archdiocese of Boston"
Man: "Hello, I was wondering has anyone made any comments yet?"
Me: "Im sorry?"
Man: "Has anyone made any comments in regards to what's going on?"
Me: "Im sorry, I dont know what you are referring to."
Man: "No one has made any comments?"
Me: "I don't believe so"
Man: "Well there you have it...there you have it...they just don't care. They just don't care..."
Me: "..............Im sorry sir, would you like to make a comment?"
Man: "Well I was going to but now I see there's no reason to because they just don't care...they just don't care...no body cares.
Me: "................."
Man: "You know they pretend to care, they pretend to think it's a big deal, but you've just told me that they don't you've just proved to me that they don't. And I can't believe that. No body cares!
Me: "Im sorry sir, Im just the receptionist."
Man: "Oh, well, yeah I know but you see they just don't care, you see, it's important to care, you see?"
Me: "Uh-huh"
Man: "And I was going to leave a comment but now I won't bother because no body cares!
Me: "Ok."
Man: "Alright, well you have a good day then"
Me: "You too."

MINE!

My dad had some flowers delivered to me at the Archdiocese in honor of my getting into Grad school (yipeee!) and all day people have been trying to take them down to the Cardinal's office. Just because someone delivered flowers to the Archdiocese doesnt mean they're property of the Cardinal, thank you very much. I'd like to see him get into art school.

Fashion Po-lice

Everyone who works here needs to be on "What Not to Wear." Not the nuns or priests because they obviously can't change their outfits, but everyone else who isnt required to dress a certain way needs to seriously reconsider their level of taste. Or stop shopping at DressBarn. Preferably both. Since all the men who work here are priests, its really the women who are responsible for this disaster. Today one woman was wearing white leggings, neon green socks, black loafers and a long zebra stripped sweater. Last week another woman wore a long skirt sewn together with bright fabric with tiny mirrors glued all over it. Very gypsy-chic circa 1986. Very ugly. Im actually considering having Stacey and Clinton come on my last day and be like "The entire time I worked here, I couldn't believe how ugly all you people dressed, so I brought in the Gay and the Jew to help you! Peace!"

In other news all the Catholic Bostonians are pissed. The pope is in the states and he's completely snubbing Boston because of the whole priest sexual abuse thing that blew up here a few years ago. Apparently the Pope will address the whole sexy scandal when he's in NYC and D.C. but he chose not to come to Boston. What a bastard. AND I might be on the news!! Thats right, when I was driving to work this morning a news crew was set up outside the entrance filming a segment. Look for my Rav-4 with the pro-abortion bumper sticker peeling into the driveway behind the anchor woman on your local news!!! I bet you thought I was going to say they interviewed me or something. Psych!

The womens breakroom will from here on out be refered to as the Red Tent. Props to Ashley for this clever idea.

Very busy and important

So I think some priest did something. You know what I mean. I dont know who and I dont know where or why or when or how or with who or to whom (grammar?) or what, but I know something is going on. Ive gotten a lot of calls for the communications department to make a statement for some media sources and today someone from the New York Post came in and wanted to talk to someone. Bitch wanted to talk to the cardinal. Doesn't she know that she has to have an appointment to talk to the cardinal? And to make such an appointment you have to write a letter first requesting an appointment? And even then he can just say no? Its kind of like a bill becoming a law. Wait, did I just make a political metaphor?!?! Who am I?* Anyways, since no one is telling me anything, I look like such a dumbass whenever anyone asks me about it. I seriously came very close to asking the reporter from the NY Post what was going on. That would have been a great angle for her article. I was also eating cheerios from a zip-lock bag and dicking around on gchat when she came in. Most professional person? Always busy and important? Yes.

*I am someone who only knows this information due to School House Rock. Lolly lolly lolly get your adverbs here?

Dumbass, Party of One?

Number of times someone has:
"blessed" me (either over the phone or in person) - 7
coughed very loudly directly into my ear - 742
called regarding something they can very well google - 64
called about exorcism - 4
yelled at me for no reason - 5
made me feel uncomfortable - 11
assumed that i knew what was going on - 84

Call of the day - some guy with a speech impediment called complaining that his car had gotten towed because he was being an idiot and parked it on some church property. So he went inside the church and complained to the priest there and apparently, according to the douchebag, this priest "laughed in his face." So the d-bag is outraged and wants to talk to someone about the "rudest thing that has ever happened" to him and even goes so far as to threaten to go the "the press." Whats funny to me is that Mr.D-bag thinks that the press would jump at the chance to get wind of this story. I think the Catholic Church has bigger fish to fry then your Honda Civic getting towed and a priest who recognizes stupidity when he sees it. By thats just my opinion.

Religious Romance

I recently had the joyous opportunity of checking out the bookshelf in the womens breakroom. Holy Virgin Mary, there are soooooooooooooo many romance novels. Like, one entire shelf was completely devoted to romance novels. Is this Catholic porn? Im very tempted to take some up to my office to read. I figure it will be an excellent statement to those people who have never been to the Archdiocese before and the first thing they see is the receptionist reading "Master of Seduction" or "Lord of Avalon: Swords of Darkness 2" Of course theres also "No Daddy, Don't: A Fathers Murderous Act of Revenge" the John Battaglia Jr. heartfelt abuse story (irony?). So many choices!! I should start an Archdiocese bookclub. That way all the 50 yr old + women and I can talk about sex. Nice, Catholic sex though. And abuse. Not Catholic abuse though.

Overheard in the Archdiocese of Boston.com:
"Oh speak of the Devil, hello Sister Maryanne! Well, not the Devil, but you know..."

I HAVE CANCER!

All the crazies are coming out in full force this week. Crazy number one called me yesterday around 4pm because she wanted to know if the contact list on the Archdiocese website was going to be updated anytime soon. No problem, let me just transfer your call to someone who (doesnt) care. She bounces back to me and says theres a recording and wants to talk to a human being. Don't we all. So I transfer her to the help desk. No dice. By this time shes pissed. She's one of those people who sounds pissed off to being with and now shes all worked up and ready to go. And she's going for me. So she yells at me and says shes a paying parishoner and shes calling long distance, but then it gets kind of hard to hear her because I start playing my tiny violin and weeping softly into the phone. So I politely tell her its not my problem and transfer her to someone else, I dont remember who. Right after this happens, the Help Desk calls and tells me that I should give her to communications. Oops! She comes back, more yelling, calls me an idiot and something else very rude and hurtful to my feelings so I cut her throat with kindness and transfer her to communications. Uh oh, she's back! "Can you do anything right?!" she asks me. NO! At this point, I have to say, Im having some fun. My days are pretty quiet around her and the thought of making my own sadistic fun and transferring her to lines I know are recordings are extremely tempting. However, I would like to keep getting paid and theres another call coming in, so I just transfer her to some random priest because Im thinking she can't possibly yell at him. Especially if she's a paying parishoner.

Crazy number two came a-calling today. This guy was a mess. He calls up from Texas and gives me his sob story about how he's calling on behalf of a very sick old lady who is tots obvi about to kick it and he knows this guy who works with this guy who is friends with this guy and they are very important people (voice rises) and he's been trying to get this necklace blessed by the pope (angry voice) and he's been leaving countless messages (very angry) and he is RETIRED but is used to GETTING THINGS DONE and this woman is very sick and he is willing to pay $5,000 for something and he is TIRED and he WANTS TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND HE HAS CANCER!!!!!!!!! um, ok. Let me transfer your call, one moment please.

Also, someone just called and put me on hold. what?

April Foolz

Its April Fool's Day here at the Archdiocese of Boston! In honor of this, the holiest of days, I will share a list of all the pranks I have played on my fellow co-workers here today

1. Instead of my usual heartfelt "Archdiocese of Boston," greeting, today I say "Good Morning, God is dead."
2. Occasionally I'll call random priests and say "Father Hennessey, Judas is on line 3" or "Father O'Grady, the Virgin Mary is here in the waiting room for you"
3. Ive replaced all the wafers with oreos and the wine with diet coke.
4. Ive come to work dressed as a hooker
5. Ive left tampons with ketchup in the womens bathrooms
6. Ive snuck unto random offices and written "abortion day" in red pen on the calendars
7. Ive ordered a singing telegram dressed as Jesus (crucifixion Jesus complete with thorny crown, stigmata and cross) to come around 230pm
8. Ive changed some computer desktops to pictures of the Devil and some with "the world's ugliest dog" (google it if you've never seen that shit before)
9. Ive told my fellow employees that I want to be converted to Catholicism
10. And the classic, Ive put saran wrap on all the toilets. ALL the toilets. Yes, even the cardinals.

Happy April Fools Day!

The Issues

I got another "God Bless" you today over the phone and subsequently it was another wrong number. I also got a women who called and when I answered "Archdiocese of Boston" she goes "yes?" as if I called her and proceeded to get annoyed/confused until she hung up. Senior demetia is so silly.

I get an hour off for lunch which I usually spend in the breakroom reading and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations. There are 4 circular tables with about 3-4 chairs at each, which works out well because there are probably 3 or 4 people who eat lunch at a time and they all insist on eating at their own table, yet engaging in conversations with each other. The breakroom is located in the basement and apparently is known as the "womens breakroom" because there is only a womens bathroom there and a pink floral couch. However, it should be known, or is known to me, as the "45-yr-old-and-up-busy-body-womens lunching room." Boston accents required. I usually get about a half an hour to myself before I am invaded by 3-4 women who sit and eat their Tupperware salads or Progresso soup. All these women are on constant diets that dont, shall we say, give off the impression that they are working. Today I got to listen to 3 women discuss "Dancing with the Stars," a favorite in the "lunching room," the trials and tribulations of one woman's son and "Hindu daughter-in-law" who loved each other very much but just couldn't make it work and the critical analysis (or befuddlement) of the movies Gone Baby Gone (too dark), the Darjeeling Limited ("I didnt get the comedy") and There Will Be Blood ("it was so violent, blood everywhere" - obviously she didnt see that coming from the title), which provoked the hilarious reference to Daniel Day-Lewis as "that Spanish actor."

*****Breaking news flash******
I have just received the call of all calls. The Trump call, if you will. A woman just called very distressed and said she needed to speak to a priest because she needed to be exorcised! She said she had "dark spirits inside her" and needed to get them out. I offered to get rid of them for her, but she was having none of it. I have been waiting for this call ever since I was offered to take this job through my temp agency. Now I can go forth from this job knowing I came in contact with the Catholic crazies. God Bless this woman.

the Precious

I just received a automated voice solicitor who wanted to know if I had $10,000 - $20,000 dollars of start up capital to invest in the up and coming market of gold and other precious metals. Apparently, according to automated voice guy, with India and China growing at their current economic rate, precious metals is a lucrative business. I want in on this scam.

G&T

First call of the day: after I greet some woman with my usual "Archdiocese of Boston," she panics because she has the wrong number and does this "arch?...oh...uh...I, um..hey, well God Bless you...sorry, I...have the wrong number." I bet she hung up the phone and was like "God Bless you?!" Either that or she did something really horrible and saw the wrong number to the Archdiocese as a sign she should start repenting. I like to think its the latter.

I got another wrong number yesterday from a guy who said he got this number from craigslist to buy a motorcycle. He kept on insisting this was the number he got off craigslist even after I assured him 3 times that this was in fact the Archdiocese and I have no motorcycle for him. This is either a sign from God that he shouldnt get the motorcycle and that he risks dying a horrible death or he just needs to pay better attention when he copies numbers downs off of craigslist. I like to think its the former.

Runner up for best call of the day was a guy whose cousin was trying to convert him and he wasnt having it, so he wanted to talk to someone about why they try to convert people and how to get his cousin to stop. I dont know why he called the Archdiocese about NOT wanting to convert, but if this guy wants to take on the church more power to them.

You know how sometimes old people have this one joke they tell over and over again because they think its hilarious and dont pick up on the fact that the joke isnt funny once you've told it 5 billion times? God smite me if I ever start doing that, but theres this woman who everyday at around 3pm get a cup of water and if anyone runs into her doing this she goes "time for my G&T!" In the past 2 and a half weeks Ive heard her make this joke probably about 5 times and thats only when someone runs into her right outside my door. I cant imagine how many times she makes this joke a day and how many people still sympathy laugh. I wonder if I could get away with bringing a cocktail to work and if I got caught be like "oh, I thought Karen has a G&T everyday." In fact Ive often wonder about drinking/smoking at work. I think I feel an experiment coming on...

This Shit is Bananas

Its Maundy Thursday here at the Archdiocese! People are VERY excited for Easter weekend. The front office was flooded with flowers for pretty much everyone but me :( but if there are any left over when I leave today I plan on stealing some. Archdiocese or not, I want some flowers. Apparently people have been getting a lot of easter baskets too, because Father Erikson stopped by to wish me a Happy Easter and offer me something from his overflowing Easter basket, which was filled with really weird shit. Items included Triscuts, a block of cheddar cheese, apples, bananas, peanut butter and something that looked like rock candy. Who gets an Easter basket like that? It looked like he swiped it from a homeless shelter or something. Im sure he didnt. Anyway, he offered me anything out of his basket so I took the bananas. Seven free bananas. Sweet.

Blessed Holy weekend to all!

You're A Queer One

In the elevator when some guy asked my name he told me that I was named after a very famous saint and "Julie" is often the middle name of many sisters. I didn't want to burst his bubble, so I didn't tell him that I was actually named after Julie Jordan from the musical Carousel who was beaten by her drunkard husband.

There she is!

There's this guy that works in the Catholic Appeal office who everytime he calls the front desk where I answer the phone greets me with "There she is!" Everytime. It's profoundly annoying. I finally met him in person the other day and he shook my hand extremely vigorously and for an oddly long time. I don't like this guy.

La Bomba

On two separate occasions today when I called people to tell them they had mail dropped off for them their reply is: "Its not ticking, is it?" I feel like thats an issue.

Death Becomes Her

Ironically, so far on the way to work over the past two days Ive come dangerously close to killing two to three people. I guess this wouldn't really be ironic unless I did kill them and they were all Catholic, but whatever. I am well aware of my rap ore as a driver (2 fast and 2 furious), but these two or three people were being unbelievably stupid. One was a little asian woman who ran out into the middle of Commonwealth Ave during a green light. wtf? Are all stupid people legally required to wander the streets at 8am or is it a personal stupid choice? Seriously, stay on the sidewalk and don't run in front of my car on the way to work when Im already late, please and thank you!

Oh, and yesterday some 80 year-old woman called long distance about an exorcism done in Boston. This is my life.

In other tragic news, I forgot my lunch today!

God Bless

Some sister just called asking about Papal tickets (get them while they're still available!) and ended the call with "God Bless." Since that has never happened to me before (on the phone or in life) and it kind of caught me off guard, this was my response: "Alright." I felt like an asshole for about 10 seconds after the call, but thats about it.

In other Catholic related news, I received a bunch of office emails regarding updates on all the happenings for this coming Easter weekend! If anyone would like to attend a mass, please let me know. I got the hook up. There were a couple of good ones, but this one regarding Holy Oil is my favorite:

"Please remember that you are not allowed to fill large vessels or flagons with Holy Oil. Last year, because of such requests, there was not enough Holy Oil for all." Im sorry, LARGE VESSELS OR FLAGONS?! The visual I get from those two sentences are of little old ladies wheeling wooden barrels down church aisles or soccer moms with empty plastic diet coke liter bottles.

So, you know how there is that whole conception of how Catholics view female Protestants as whores? If that is not an actual conception (or a misconception if you will) then I just picked that up from Family Guy. In any case, I think I just proved it true, because I got "talked to" yesterday about work clothing. Yesterday I wore a scoop neck shirt. Not a very significant scoop, it revealed my neck and upper chest, no cleavage. At the end of the day when I get home I get a phone call from my Temp agency telling me that the Archdiocese would like me to dress more appropriately with no more "revealing tops." What really gets my goat about this is that the powers that be at the Archdiocese who were offended by my neck didn't come to me themselves and tell me in their nice Godly way that I cant wear scoop neck to work, but instead called up my Temp agency and had them do it. Im not a very confrontational person. I dont understand those people on the Real World who are like "If you've got something to say to me, say it to my face!" No, I'd rather you left the room first. I don't have to worry about you yelling at me and I can be funnier. However, having my Temp agency tell me I need to dress more appropriately made me feel somewhat whore-ish. I know they know Im not Catholic and am not use to working in a religious environment, but just getting that call made me feel like I needed to explain myself, which made me angry. Im not showing up wearing fishnet stalkings, a bustier and knee high boots (thats for my other job, wink!) so shut up and let me answer the phone in a scoop neck T!

That concludes this mornings thoughts. Thank you and God Bless!

I am white, hear me roar

From the list on the website Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com I scored myself at 44 out of 89 topics listed including having gay friends (shout out to Mark and Michael!), bottled water, expensive sanwiches, kitchen gadgets, Art degrees and tea. Im not sure what this says about me as a white person, Im just putting it out there since I took the time to score myself when thats not even an option listed on the website.

Good Morning, Archdiocese of Boston

I am not a very technological person. Nor am I an internet person. I can turn on the computer and I can browse facebook and youtube and I can access my email, but that's pretty much it. I never considered blogging. I am not a blogger. When I think of bloggers I think of zealous myspacers and Perez Hilton. And Lucy. But when life hands you lemons, you shut up and make lemonade. So here is my blog narrating my time as the receptionist for the Archdiocese of Boston.

This year has without a doubt has been the strangest of my life thus far. I can't even categorize it as good or bad, just really fucking weird. I went from studying Art History in college, to cruising my way through a BS internship this summer, to hating my life at a bead store, to being let go from said bead store and being unemployed for two months, to accepting a 3 month position as the receptionist at the Archdiocese of Boston. If someone had told me in May that this is what my life will become I would have told them to stop sniffing glue. I can only hope that Graduate school pulls through and I wont have to worry about accepting positions like operating the switchboard at the Zionist Organization of America.

I am not Catholic, I am a Protestant. An out of practice Protestant at that and I have no idea what Catholics do, besides be really nervous. Catholics are nervous about everything. This is basically because everything about contemporary life will send you straight to hell. Pre-marital sex, gay marriage and being gay in general, abortion, stem cell research, doing things on Sunday, democrats, sexual misconduct of priests (justified nervousness), divorce and the Apocalypse. Its a wonder Catholics don't go around shaking like Chihuahua all the time. Its weird to be a fish out of water just by being a different religion, but its freaking surreal when you go from zero Catholic interaction to spending 8 hours of your day surrounded by priests and nuns and the people that work for them. I can tell if Brother Peterson is coming down the hall because I can hear his prayer beads. I dont know if when I see certain people if I should address them as "Father" or not. When I get dressed in the morning to go to work I have to make sure I dont look like a slut by Catholic standards, and I still dont really know what those standards are. Apparently shoulders and knees are too sexy to be exposed. Who knew? I didn't.

This is the beginning of my second week, here are some highlights thus far:
1. The lack of tampon machines in the womens bathroom and how their absence makes the "sanitary napkin" machines stick out like a sore thumb
2. The people that call looking for answers to their questions on abortion, stem cell research and (my personal favorite) a man called to make a complaint about a priest in his parish, but not a "sexual complaint." As long as it's not sexual...
3. Jean, the woman who covers me when I take my break who carries a bottle of rubbing alcohol with her at all times to wipe down the phone before she touches it. It has yet to be determined if this a direct comment at me, or if she wipes down every phone before she uses it.
4. The woman who consistently drops off shopping bags full of hand knit baby blankets to be picked up by the Pro-Life department.
5. The priests that stare me down as they walk in the door as well as those who talk to me like Im an idiot in a way that makes me believe this attitude is provoked by my being a female. Its just a suspicion.

This blog is meant to basically be a stream on consciousness on my part as well as an alternate way to kill time. Don't tell anyone at the Archdiocese about this, or I may be fired. Hannah, this means you.