Long Story Short

I dont think anyone complains more about the Catholics than the Catholics themselves (besides me of course). Maybe its because no cares enough about what the Catholics do, although I did get one Jewish woman on the phone the other day who complained about how difficult it is to give money to the Catholic church, which I A.dont believe is true and B.can't really understand why a Jewish woman would want to donate money to the Catholic church in the first place. But that is neither here nor there.

Today I got a woman on the phone who wanted to make a complaint about her child's first communion. Now, what Im suppose to do when crap like this happens i.e. when people are mad and want to yell at someone about some stupid thing that appalled them, is transfer them to the "comment line" which people despise because its a recording and no one wants that. EVER. So Ive taken it upon myself to lie a little and tell them that our Communications Dept. is closed today and that their only option is to leave a message on this line and someone will definitely get back to them tomorrow. If I dont lie they call me again and start yelling at me, so I lie. And Im more than happy to do it.

So this woman says fine, she'll leave a comment but first she wants to tell me her saga so I understand whats going on and justify her issue. She told me her whole story, which took literally 15 minutes, cried the whole time and said "long story short" 4 times. I only understood about 40% of her situations and just peppered her jabber with "right" and "uh-huh" every so often. She was upset because it rained on her child's communion and he didnt get to walk down the aisle or something, a fat woman blocked her view for the whole thing (no joke, she complained about a fat woman who wouldnt get out of the way) and the priest who didnt invite the kids back to their second communion or something. Because Im not Catholic, thank God (pun!), I dont really understand the regulations of whats suppose to happen and why its important. All I had to do for my communion was show up, read a paragraph of the Bible, take a shot of wine, eat the smallest slice of bread and in return I received a gaudy necklace with a dove on it and my very own Bible with my name stamped in it. Both of which I believe are lost. I wore all black, which I didnt really notice to be that morose until I sat next to Erica who was dressed something pink and sparkly. I also never returned to church again with the exception of Christmas and maybe an Easter or two.

So I have this woman who is crying about her son's slap in the face at his communion and how the priest who did the service didnt care and how her son asked her if God was mad at him, etc. So I listen to this woman until shes done and tell her that she has a right to be pissed, but I still have to direct her to the comment line because if I try to give her to anyone else, the bitch who works at the communications dept. will transfer her back to me and tell me they don't deal with things like this. Normally I don't really care about what the Catholics complain about because 99.9% of the time its about trivial crap, like a cell phone tower being put up next to their church which ruins its ambiance, but after having a woman cry to you for 15 minutes telling you that her child believes God is pissed at him can make you feel slightly compassionate. So I tell her to leave her comment (which, by the way, I had to consolidate for her into a three sentence message) and if no one gets back to her about it she can call back tomorrow and I will personally find someone for her to talk to. Just call me a Saint and give me my fucking halo.