I HAVE CANCER!

All the crazies are coming out in full force this week. Crazy number one called me yesterday around 4pm because she wanted to know if the contact list on the Archdiocese website was going to be updated anytime soon. No problem, let me just transfer your call to someone who (doesnt) care. She bounces back to me and says theres a recording and wants to talk to a human being. Don't we all. So I transfer her to the help desk. No dice. By this time shes pissed. She's one of those people who sounds pissed off to being with and now shes all worked up and ready to go. And she's going for me. So she yells at me and says shes a paying parishoner and shes calling long distance, but then it gets kind of hard to hear her because I start playing my tiny violin and weeping softly into the phone. So I politely tell her its not my problem and transfer her to someone else, I dont remember who. Right after this happens, the Help Desk calls and tells me that I should give her to communications. Oops! She comes back, more yelling, calls me an idiot and something else very rude and hurtful to my feelings so I cut her throat with kindness and transfer her to communications. Uh oh, she's back! "Can you do anything right?!" she asks me. NO! At this point, I have to say, Im having some fun. My days are pretty quiet around her and the thought of making my own sadistic fun and transferring her to lines I know are recordings are extremely tempting. However, I would like to keep getting paid and theres another call coming in, so I just transfer her to some random priest because Im thinking she can't possibly yell at him. Especially if she's a paying parishoner.

Crazy number two came a-calling today. This guy was a mess. He calls up from Texas and gives me his sob story about how he's calling on behalf of a very sick old lady who is tots obvi about to kick it and he knows this guy who works with this guy who is friends with this guy and they are very important people (voice rises) and he's been trying to get this necklace blessed by the pope (angry voice) and he's been leaving countless messages (very angry) and he is RETIRED but is used to GETTING THINGS DONE and this woman is very sick and he is willing to pay $5,000 for something and he is TIRED and he WANTS TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND HE HAS CANCER!!!!!!!!! um, ok. Let me transfer your call, one moment please.

Also, someone just called and put me on hold. what?