April Foolz

Its April Fool's Day here at the Archdiocese of Boston! In honor of this, the holiest of days, I will share a list of all the pranks I have played on my fellow co-workers here today

1. Instead of my usual heartfelt "Archdiocese of Boston," greeting, today I say "Good Morning, God is dead."
2. Occasionally I'll call random priests and say "Father Hennessey, Judas is on line 3" or "Father O'Grady, the Virgin Mary is here in the waiting room for you"
3. Ive replaced all the wafers with oreos and the wine with diet coke.
4. Ive come to work dressed as a hooker
5. Ive left tampons with ketchup in the womens bathrooms
6. Ive snuck unto random offices and written "abortion day" in red pen on the calendars
7. Ive ordered a singing telegram dressed as Jesus (crucifixion Jesus complete with thorny crown, stigmata and cross) to come around 230pm
8. Ive changed some computer desktops to pictures of the Devil and some with "the world's ugliest dog" (google it if you've never seen that shit before)
9. Ive told my fellow employees that I want to be converted to Catholicism
10. And the classic, Ive put saran wrap on all the toilets. ALL the toilets. Yes, even the cardinals.

Happy April Fools Day!